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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23704654">How Humans Are Made</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantsupanda/pseuds/pantsupanda'>pantsupanda</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:47:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,595</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23704654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantsupanda/pseuds/pantsupanda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose asks Greg how humans are created, and with a bit of awkwardness... He explains it to her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rose Quartz/Greg Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How Humans Are Made</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Greg... How are humans made?"<br/><br/>Greg Universe's eyes shot open at the question, disrupting his comfortable sleeping position in the back of the van. Well... Not entirely disrupted. Rose was still squeezing his arm, laying next to him on the mattress, her overwhelming positive influence immediately calming him once again. He turned his head, looking at her. Rose wore a curious, almost puzzled look as she examined his body, fingers trailing from where they had previously been resting on his arm, down and up under his shirt. She had it lifted, examining his belly button... The place where her gem would be, normally.<br/><br/>"Rose... What a question. You know, having to explain this is a little uncomfortable for humans," he said, shifting up a little onto his elbows as he let her explore.<br/><br/>She looked back up at him, an inquisitive, but worried expression on her face. "Oh, I'm... I'm sorry. Do you want me to-"<br/><br/>"No, no, it's not a big deal Rose," Greg quickly interjected, chuckling. "It just caught me off guard is all. I'd uh... I'd be happy to explain it. After all, you're my girlfriend. You should probably know how these things work."<br/><br/>Her face continued to distort, inquisitiveness quickly replaced with confusion. "Your girlfriend? What exactly does that have to do with it?"<br/><br/>Greg blinked, silent, as the question moved through his brain. "Oh boy... Yeah, it makes sense that you wouldn't... Look, just, listen for a second." Greg sat himself up fully now, scooting along the mattress until his back hit the side of the van, allowing him a place to rest his back as he sat up. Rose soon followed suit, crossing her legs and sitting in the middle of the mattress while he adjusted himself. Greg reached into the area between his seats, pulling two cans of beer from a hidden compartment. He held one out in her direction.<br/><br/>"Want one? I know you said you were interested in giving it a try. They're not cold, but... Yeah."<br/><br/>"Oh! Of course," she said, grinning from ear to ear as she took the can from him. Just like he had instructed her, Rose moved her thumb under the tab, cracking it open. "It's so interesting Greg... You spend thousands of years on a planet protecting it, and never once take the time to just... Learn more than what you have to." She held the can up to her nose, giving it a smell and looking down into the yellowish liquid. Greg was already drinking his, taking about a third of the can down at once before lowering it, letting out a sigh as the carbonation escaped his throat. He watched Rose lift the can to her mouth, her lips part, and the beer flow in.<br/><br/>Greg took a deep breath, closing his eyes and stretching out his fingers. He slowly let the stress leave through his extremities with the following exhale. "So... Yeah. How humans are made..."<br/><br/>He was brought back into the moment by a choking noise, focusing back in on Rose. She had a pained expression on her face, eyes wide and watering with the can still pressed to her lips.<br/><br/>"R-Rose, you don't have to drink-"<br/><br/>As soon as the words left his mouth, Rose pulled the can away, loudly yelling, "BLEGH," before quickly wiping away any traces of the liquid from her lips. Greg burst into laughter, tears quickly forming at the edges of his eyes as the laughter left his system. Any awkwardness or stress he had been feeling about the upcoming conversation had escaped him as he watched Rose struggle with the human concept of "a drink that doesn't taste very good". Even now, whether she realized it or not, she was doing so much for him.<br/><br/>"Ohh, GREG, that was SO GROSS," she exclaimed, quickly moving the can into a safe position where it wouldn't be spilled. Not that she wanted any more of it! "How do humans drink that? Why would you do that," she questioned, more puzzled looks on her face as she searched for an answer behind the disgusting swill.<br/><br/>Greg's chuckles soon died down, a hand reaching up to wipe the water from his eyes. "Look, beer takes some getting used to. But really, after a while, you kind of start to enjoy it. This is like, my favorite brand," he said, grabbing his can and taking another swig.<br/><br/>After the minor disruption, the two focused in on each other, meeting eyes.<br/><br/>"Greg. Are you going to tell me?"<br/><br/>"Oh, yeah... Sorry," he said, moving his can to the floor of the van. Was this going to be what it was like if he had a son? I mean, this was quite a bit different, considering this was a person he loved romantically...<br/><br/>"Alright. So, humans are split into two groups, in terms of how we reproduce," he said, holding up two hands and showing one finger from each, parallel to each other. "These two groups are based on a physical difference. Some of us have an extremity called a penis, and some of us have a cavity called a vagina," he said, letting one finger move down and meet his thumb, making a circle.<br/><br/>Rose was watching and listening carefully, eager to soak in all the new information.<br/><br/>"Basically, someone who has a penis and someone who has a vagina meet, and they do this thing called 'having sex'," Greg continued, moving the still extended finger into the hole he had created with his other hand, hoping that the illustration would suffice, and he wouldn't have to explain that any deeper. "When they do that, there's a chance that the person with the vagina begins to grow another human inside of them."<br/><br/>"WHAT!? THEY GROW A HUMAN INSIDE OF THEM," Rose yelled, a disbelieving look plastered across her face. "Greg, please tell me you're not playing with me..."<br/><br/>"No no, I'm serious," he said, grinning and chuckling at her reaction. "So, it takes a long time for the human to be ready to come out. 9 months, usually. Oh, do you remember that lady we saw on the boardwalk? The one who had the big belly?"<br/><br/>"Yes... I remember."<br/><br/>"Well, that woman had a human growing inside of her. We call that being pregnant. And once all that time is up, the new human pops out, and is a baby. The small humans that you see everywhere. And that's how humans are made!" He finished off the explanation with a little shake of the jazz hands, as if he had finished a show. "Does that make sense?"<br/><br/>Rose looked almost concerned, confused, and a little disturbed at what she had just heard. But, all those emotions dropped as she looked back up at Greg, locking eyes with him. "I don't think you explained why that has to do with us being together."<br/><br/>"Oh. Well, when two humans really like each other, they usually try to have a baby. W-Well... They usually try to have sex, at least. And, you don't <em>have</em> to make a baby if you have sex, a lot of people have sex with other humans just because they enjoy it, and they think it feels good. Having sex releases a lot of chemicals in the human body that relax you and make you happy."<br/><br/>Rose nodded through all of it, starting to slowly understand the bigger picture. "So, is this thing... Sex, is that something that humans do all the time?"<br/><br/>"Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Sex is a very powerful thing that a lot of people love so much, they're almost bound by it. It's really, <em>really </em>important to a lot of people."<br/><br/>Rose nodded again. This seemed like a very big deal. "So, sex can make humans... But it doesn't have to. And, a lot of humans just do it for fun?"<br/><br/>"Yeah! You got it!" Greg grinned, weirdly excited that his explanation had gotten through to her. He knew that Rose wasn't stupid or anything, she was an extremely intelligent alien life form who was thousands of years older than Greg... But, still, he was glad that his explanation made sense.<br/><br/>Rose thought about everything that Greg had said, pondering it and mulling it over in her head. "Okay. So, are we supposed to... Do that? At some point?"<br/><br/>Greg's excitement was suddenly replaced with anxiety at the question. "Uh, well... I don't know. That's kind of a complicated question," he said, taking a moment to pull his can of beer back to his lips, taking another quick drink before continuing. "This is something that a lot of humans also... Don't enjoy very much. Or, aren't ready for. Sex takes a lot of physical and emotional energy, and, there are a lot of expectations surrounding it that the rest of society has placed on people. It's kind of...a mess. So, if you're going to do it with someone, you have to make expressly sure that they want to, and they understand what that means for the both of you."<br/><br/>"And, what does that mean for us," Rose questioned, moving a hand up and placing it under her chin, head tilted slightly as she waited for more explaining.<br/><br/>Greg shrugged. "Well... I'm still not sure. Gems aren't really... Built the way that humans are. You don't have a penis, or a vagina, or any way to grow a baby. You also don't really... Quite understand what sex is and the impact it has on people. It's very simple, but also very complicated."<br/><br/>"You know Greg, I think this is sort of similar to fusion."<br/><br/>"Is it?"<br/><br/>"Yeah... At least, I think so," she said, sitting up again and scooting back a bit, resting her back on her side of the van. "Fusion is... An important part of gem culture. Two gems are literally combining themselves in order to create something new." Rose looked to the side, out the large windows in the back of the van. "There are also a lot of... Conditions. And, expectations surrounding it. Some gems want to do it, and some don't. If you do it in a way that other gems consider to be... Incorrect... You can be shattered for it. Like Garnet. She wouldn't be allowed to exist, back on my home planet."<br/><br/>Greg listened carefully, taking in everything as he tilted the can up, finishing his drink. While the two systems where heavily inherently different, he understood what Rose was saying. He thought back to Rose and Pearl fusing in front of him, and how happy Rose looked when the two had done it. The brilliance of Rainbow Quartz, a new being, manifesting directly in front of him.<br/><br/>Rose moved her gaze back towards Greg, catching his attention as she did so. The two of them examined the other one, carefully considering everything that had been talked about.<br/><br/>After a moment, Rose began to scoot forward, moving to where she was only a precious inch or two away from him. She looked him in the eyes before leaning forward, pressing her lips to his own.<br/><br/>This was Greg's favorite part. After having taught Rose how to kiss... She had become exceptionally good at it. He felt his eyes flutter closed, letting his empty can fall to the wayside as his hands instinctively moved around the woman of his affection. He squeezed her close, taking in as much as he could.<br/><br/>Rose felt similarly. She had never met a human so... Caring. Compassionate. Easy to understand. And while their affection rituals may be strange, she kind of liked them. There was something about kissing Greg that made her body light up. As Greg squeezed around her, Rose felt almost as if she was melting into Greg's arms, losing her form and becoming one with him as their bodies pressed together. This human... He was going to poof her if he wasn't careful.<br/><br/>After the moment of passion between the two, their lips parted, Greg flushed and breathing a bit heavier. Rose was grinning, squeezing her arms around him and keeping them together.<br/><br/>"Greg... I want to have sex with you."<br/><br/>Greg's eyes widened as the words completely splattered his brain.<br/><br/><em>Greg... I want to have <b>sex</b> with <b>you</b>.</em><br/><br/>Wow. He hadn't had a woman say that to him in quite a long time. Certainly not a woman that he felt so strongly connected to. And, certainly not an alien one.<br/><br/>He must have been displaying a dumbstruck demeanor, because as soon as he came back into the moment, he noticed that Rose was staring at him with a look of concern. He shook the cobwebs out of his head, locking back in on what was important. Rose.<br/><br/>"Rose... I don't even know if we can do that! A-And, you don't even know if you want to do that. You can't consent to something you don't really understand," he said, worry pushing into his expression as he fought her statement.<br/><br/>Rose looked frustrated. "Greg, I wasn't born yesterday. I'm not some naive earth woman who you're... Pressuring into something. I've seen and done and felt things that you can only imagine. If anything, I'm worried about pressuring <em>you.</em>"<br/><br/>That last sentence stuck out in his mind. All this time, he had almost been treating Rose as if she was... A child. A child who didn't understand anything about the world. But... Of course, that wasn't true. Rose had lead armies. Fought wars. Fought for the freedom of the planet he was born on, thousands of years before that had even happened. Loved, and been loved, and moved on. Done more than he could ever do in his short lifetime.<br/><br/>He was the one who didn't really understand what was happening here. Not Rose. Just because he had to explain human reproduction didn't mean Rose wasn't extremely intelligent.<br/><br/>"Look, Rose... It's not that I don't want to have sex with you. Because, <em>wow</em>, I do. I'm just worried. And, I hope you can understand why," he said squeezing her a bit tighter as he moved forward, resting his chin on her shoulder, and her chin on his.<br/><br/>"I think I do, Greg," she said, her frustration having long been replaced with a soft expression of concern. "I just want you to trust me when I say that I can handle this." She ran a hand down, fingers moving into the small of his back and playing with the fabric there. "I want to try this. It's important to you. And, you're important to me. So, it's important to me."<br/><br/>Greg listened carefully, breathing out a long, deep sigh as he thought about it all. "...Okay. If you're sure." His chin left her shoulder, moving back a bit to look her in the eyes. "But, you're not going to stop me from repeatedly checking in on you to make sure it's okay, and that we're good. Deal?"<br/><br/>Rose's eyes lit up, grinning from ear to ear as Greg agreed. "DEAL," she said, quickly leaning in and smattering him with kisses, covering his face in love. Greg snickered as she did so, pushing away from her as she continued her onslaught. After a moment, she stopped, still squeezing him tightly and grinning.<br/><br/>"SO, how do we do it?"<br/><br/>The question flushed Greg's cheeks, an awkward chuckle forcing it's way out of his throat. "Oh boy... Well..."<br/><br/>-----<br/><br/>Hey all! If you want to see more stuff, or know when I'm putting something out, feel free to follow me on Twitter @thepantsupanda!</p>
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